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Bitterness is a virtue...

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Friday, February 20th, 2009
11:41 am - Being sick really sucks and blows
Mel is sick and in bad shape. I sure I gave it tio her because I feel pretty good and the whole thing about the best way to get rid of a cold... The goodthing is that certain packages came in the mail but we are both too sick or tired to use them. I have been so out of it lately I don't really feel like "the sex" However, we do now have the implements of destruction so all we have to do is get better.

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Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
11:51 pm - I'm starting to see glimmers of hope
Mel has a hit on her job hunt. I am very proud. My job sucks but it hasn't gotten any worse. I'm thinking of seriously auditioning for a play coming up soon and I think I have a shot at it. However, the best thing is I got through my birthday without getting too upset and cranky. All is not right with the world but it will do... for now. Muhahahahahahahaha

current mood: cheerful

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Sunday, September 2nd, 2007
8:07 pm - High Hopes
What the hell happened to Maroon 5? The band has a completely different style and the lead singer,Adam Levine,thinks he is a sex symbol. Maybe he is but I always thought he was kinda geeky and grungy. I bought the new album and I just saw the video for the new song. I think the lead singer thought he was doing a Calvin Kline ad. It was so different then the other things I had seen from them. I liked the album though. It wasn't the same as the other one but I don't think it was bad.
Well that the cheery stuff. South Carolina sucks balls as a living situation. I am no longer in school. I am looking for a job but I have no hits yet. There is some other stuff but that's enough bad for one day. Upside is the new Resident Evil movie will be out soon. Zombies for all!!!!!!!!!!

current mood: hopeful

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Sunday, June 18th, 2006
1:47 pm - 20 days to go
It didn't seem like a long time when I decided to stay here and work for awhile. I think I bought into my own ability to minimize situations. I really miss Mel alot and it does in fact seem like a long time because it IS a long time. However, I am working so we will be able to afford to do so things like eat when I get back until we can find jobs Knowing why I am here doesn't ease my mind so much as it gives me direction and purpose to go to the job and do what I have to do.
It's really cool to have someone to come home and to talk. Something I must say I used to take for granted. I figured my particular loner personality traits would come out. I find that now that I have been alone awhile... well... I t kinda sucks ass.lol I would much rather be with Mel. Hell, even a little nagging would do. Wow, I must really be losing it or I am very whipped. lol. I hope to be with Mel soon and hopefully the time will pass quickly until I am with her once again.

current mood: hopeful

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1:29 pm - I' ve been taken down... by a burger
I decided to go get something to eat today and I completely went overboard. I got a triple burger at a place King Kong. I don't think that I can finish it today. Possibly by Wednesday I will have gotten through this thing. It is freaking huge. Anyway, I'll save it for later. I don't think I can eat as much as I used to. I guess that a good thing. I just wish I had gotten that memo before I ordered what I now jokingly call the "The King Kong Impaction" I'm pretty sure this was the wrong time to eat this because I have to work. I really want to sleep this day away and forget about all the stuff I need to do but on the other hand, work equates to money. I like money. So I guess I'll go into work. How easily the drunk are separated from their money. A trend that I hope continues.

current mood: full

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Saturday, October 1st, 2005
4:35 pm
I really hate this whole staying in bed thing. I would really like to do some stuff but I am having a hard time standing. I can't even talk. My throat hurts too much. Hopefully I will be better soon and very soon. I'll write about the medicine screw ups later. I have to get off ,now. I think my fever is spiking.

current mood: sick

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Sunday, September 18th, 2005
10:04 am - I know I am late but Happy Birthday Becky
It looks like I am a day late and a dollar short. I had hoped to be there for your party. I had also hoped to get you a card. I will get something done even if it is late, so here goes it; Mel knows alot of people but I am very glad that she knows you. Your name pops up here quite often and always in the sweetest most loving ways possible. That tells me pretty much all I need to know about you however I look forward to meeting you and finding out for myself how wonderful you are. I also might want to meet you for the guys that you know who randomly strip at your house. We must never forget the "striping guy factor" That holds alot of weight in my book lol. Hope you had a blast.

current mood: high

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9:45 am - Happy Birthday Mel
I know that we are still in Natchez and that things kinda suck but I think that they will get better when we get to Omaha. At the very least omaha has guys who will strip at your parties. I might be able to talk Robert into it but I think that you would pass... and vomit... vomit some more... lol. I really am rather lucky to have you around and growing old with you is really a blessing. I hope you feel the same.You make it very easy to see the bright sides in life; even if the bright side is really gray. These things are relative. lol. I love you very much and If today really isn't good for you I will make it up to you later. I Promise. I love you very much and I hope things are good for you today and the other days that end in "y". Well now that I am very uncomfortable and feeling like an ass I will go lay down again. I still don't think I said what I wanted to say... Oh hell ... Maybe the best way to show real love and such is stripping... Later my dear, later... lol

current mood: happy

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Friday, August 26th, 2005
11:04 pm
I applied for a job at a very "upscale" restaurant. ( Mel says the food sucks though. I trust her judgment) I mean people who go there to eat are looking to drop at least $ 50.00 bucks. That's for one person. Now, I would be a waiter at this place if I got a job there. I think the tips there would be very good. Someone also told me that people usually over tip to either impress who they are with or to let word get around that they over tip and that they have the money to over tip. This could really help Mel and myself out. The manager said that he would call me back Saturday. I am very nervous. What if I don't get the job? I hate to say it but what if i don't get it because I'm Black? ( For anyone who doesn't know, I hate to use that line. I really hate using it as a reason for anything other than in a joking manner. It has been so overused by my fellow " Brother Men " that it has lost alot of its meaning. It has become an excuse for people who like to whine about there circumstances. It really bothers me. Hell, one job that I applied for had me come in for an interview and still didn't give me a job. Mel and Robert had to tell me that they thought it was because I was Black before it entered my mind. I hate just hate that phrase.) I was really worried and I was starting to get very depressed and tired. Mel has a way of knowing stuff that I can't quite fathom. She really knows how to bring me out of a funk. ( If I let her. I have my moments of being to stubborn and wallowing in my own depression. I don't think that she knows what I was worried about but I am not so worried any more. I don't know how she works but he does. She sleeping right now and I find that I like to watch her when she sleeps. I really ought to wake her but I will let her sleep a little longer. Anyone who can deal with me deserves some rest. lol.

Someones mushy postings about their other half is starting to rub off on me.

current mood: good

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10:42 pm - Okay this is too much for me...
I just saw a mouse in the bedroom. It's not as if I don't hear the little guys in the walls all night but I saw one in the flesh. Now make no mistake. I have no problem with "nature" I just don't want nature in the house. So I have devised a plan to fill up any and all hole I find in the bedroom and hope that they will go back outside. I am also going to keep a better watch on what gets put on the floor and for how long. I'd say like nothing and never. This will be very difficult I'm sure but I'd rather drive myself crazy ( and everyone else ) over this than live with the mice in the one room I can close the door and relax without a cat ( cute as they maybe ) or dog jumping on me in an attempt to get my attention. The only other solution is to catch all the little bastards, name them and keep them as pets. I soooooooooo don't think so. I'm not taking care of everything that has fur. Although I am sure that mice poo and pee alot less than the cats and dogs.

The cats have a new trick now. They have decide that they are going to poo in the sink. Litter box is clean and they decide to poo in the sink. Great!!! I love washing dishes in a poo filled sink. Oh well, it would have it's advantages though. I could always tell company that I didn't like that it was chocolate. Kidding. I would be able to do it with a straight face anyway. lol

current mood: devious

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Saturday, August 13th, 2005
3:37 pm - Has any one else noticed???
My icon looks like shit is coming out of its butt. Look at it!!! It looks like poo paste. lmao.

current mood: amused

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2:08 pm - maybe, just maybe a little homesick
I have been talking about corned beef for at least two months now. I don't want just any corned beef sandwich. I want the one that is down the street from my house... in Detroit. Now that would be one hell of an delivery charge. Ha. I find that I miss some of the familiar sights. The rundown buildings, the ugly whores, the smell of piss as you walk down the street. Ah Detroit. lol. I'm so joking. It is nowhere near as bad. Although, I find that other people have a tendency to think of it that way. People the same look on their faces when you tell them you are from Detroit as they do when you tell them you're from Iraq. lol.
Anyway,things are a little different than they were when I first came down to Mississippi. When I left I went for school and to be independent... at least until school was over and then I would be cradled safely in the arms of the city and into the "fire" that is my home life. I could bitch but I didn't get beaten, I never went to bed hungry except by choice, I never had to work to help keep us afloat. ( although it helped) It wasn't that bad. never the less I was happy to go and do some things on my own without being under the watchful the watchful eye of my sometime bitchy mom or the influence of my drunk/recovering drunk uncle. I really liked being away and found it a supreme chore to go back home and be the good son. Well, my mother is/was having a few health scares and to be very honest... I think that she is lonely. I am her only child and at times the only one that she can talk to when in a stressed out state of mind. She has calmed down alot. She has been very nice to talk to the last few times I have spoken with her. Also, I have found out recently that my uncle has gone back to drinking. Now, I should explain something. He drinks heavily and the last period that he was drink landed him in the hospital, in a coma shortly and the foaming shakes after. After coming to and be aware of his surroundings he stated his recovery. Recovery consisting of getting used to having a portable machine connected to his stomach because he had drank so much that he had pretty much destroyed his stomach lining. This seems bad but I really am sparing you the worse and it gets worse. He is drinking again and I am sure that this will result in his death within... five years... not good. Both have been begging and pleading for me to come home.They have even offered to help Mel and I get an apartment in Detroit and pay the rent for a couple of months. Even set me up with a job just so I can be near to them. However, I have a wife and have had to make some tough choices, not really because of her but because of me. They are both adults and will do what they want to do no matter what I think. My uncle drinks because he wants to drink. He wouldn't go to any programs like AA. That is his bed to sleep in. My mother has no friends because... Well, I can't say that I honestly know but that is her bed to sleep in. I know that I am starting out on my own and I need to do things for me. Make certain choices for good or for bad and deal with the outcomes. I know this to be true in my heart and soul. So, why do I feel like shit? I may worry about family a little too much. God, I so want a corned beef sandwich. A super large corned beef sandwich on rye with armpit musty pickles on the side and a basket of onion rings and fried mushrooms. Ah, and to be washed down with a strawberry milkshake. MMMMM I am such a fatty. I can live with that though..lol

current mood: hopeful

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Thursday, June 30th, 2005
12:40 pm - Hola ....Legalized Gay Marriages in Spain
Today members of the spanish parliament passed a bill to legalize gay marriages. Dude, the world has gotten so much cooler this week. Canada, Spain.... United States???? I think this is a big step toward gay marriages in the U.S. I think the government has been trying to skirt the issue but they will have to address it now more seriously. How will the deal with the married couples who come to the U.S.??? I think that they will have to put their shared brain together and come up with something. I think it is pretty cool though.

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Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
10:36 pm - Why can't I write an email
Robert went to pick up his new computer when we dropped Mel off. The computer wasn't there. He got two emails from them comfirming that it would be ready. What if the only purpose of the trip was to get the computer and we drove for 2 hours for nothing. Luckily,we were dropping Mel off.That's time, money, gas all wasted. I was going to write them a email for Robert but he declined. You know why? Because of that popsicle post that I emailed the company. I can write a decent email or post... but that wasn't one of them. lol I thought it was funny... later.

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Monday, February 14th, 2005
4:33 pm - better than nothing
I am alive and mostly well. For the time being I have a roof over my head, clothes to wear for this ever changing climate of mississippi, and food in my refridgerator. I am mostly well. I am alive. I keep telling myself that and I really am trying to believe it. I am not going to complain to the masses as I usually would. I will keep the negative to myself as well as some of the joy. I don't think that I should really talk as much as I do so I will probably stop posting for awhile. It is not that I post that often but I think I'll stop.

I still like the idea of keeping in touch with people who live far away. It's cool. I just think that I'll stop posting but I won't stop loking at everyone elses posts. Anyway........

Happy Valentines Day

current mood: groggy

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Thursday, January 6th, 2005
9:44 pm - Tired and fustrated...
I don't think that I am asking for much. I'd just like to be happy. Plain and simple. Well... maybe not simple. I can't seem to find a long term plan for success. ( or short term ) I only bring it up now because of a phone call I got a week or two ago and it has been ever so slowly eating at me.

I don't know if I said this in an earlier entry or not but, I got a very interesting message from my mother. My old roommate, Jacob , from college called me to see if I was in town for the holidays. He is a very nice guy who is extremely talented. Alot of the time you can't say both of those things about one person and have it be accurate but trust me on this. He called and talked to my mother. It is not unusual nowadays for people to call the house in Detroit and leave me messages because I am not there. I don't respond to most although I have every intention of getting in touch. His message has been bothering me since I received it. He wanted to know if I was in town because he wanted to work with me in the studio. He really wants to count me as one of the members of his up and coming record label.( He left a few weeks into the semester to start his label. He came to the conclusion that he was spinning his wheels at college. He could be right. How should I know?) He tells my mother of all people, that he thinks that I am a talented artist and writer and he really wants to work with me.

There are a few problems with this message. I don't even know when I will get back home being one major problem. Another problem may be in my head but I am not sure. I know jacob from high school. He is a year younger than me. While in high school a lot of the music majors formed groups and did some did song writing. Some did both and were very good. We were all friends and this was stuff we did after school. We would help each other out and encourage each other. Well I was not associated with Jacob and his people. To be honest, I was left to make due with what was left, the bottom of the barrel. Do we since some bitterness??? You are damn right. lol. I didn't sweat it though because I could still do my writing and vocals with my people and turn out quality stuff. I just had to work harder at it. I didn't start to be bitter until I was passed up again for someone else. I could understand it. He was better. I got over it. I was pissed when they had a shot to get signed with Stevie Wonder and turned it down. I would kill for a chance like that. Jacob wanted to sign but the other members decided to turn it down.

I promise that there is a point to this. I got passed over twice and now I get included in something. It really pisses me off on one hand. On the other I am so excited I can hardly stand it.He may have been just shining me on. However the best I save for last. I haven't written anything new in about a year. My mind is bone dry. ( or is BONED dry. heheheh.) I haven't really done too much other that the classical stuff I do at school. So even if I wanted to I couldn't really do too much with my friend. I sat down today and tried to write something and I got a rude awakening.I couldn't come up with anything at all. Oh well. I say friend comfortably because we got to be very cool with each other while we were roommates. Irony isn't so funny when it's got something to do with you.... No it's still pretty funny ;)lol

I don't really know what I am going to do with my life. I like music but it looks like I am a day late and a dollar short on that ship. I don't know if I really want to do classical as a career or not. I know I really would hate to teach music... or anything else for that matter. I also know that Mel would so not approve of me doing something other than classical right now because she doesn't want me to leave. Understandable (*grumble grumble lol ) I need to pick up a trade pronto.

I guess I wasn't as tired as I thought I was. I just wrote this long ass entry.For now, while I do not have a clue as to what I am going to do, I will try to be content. I really have more to say on some other topics but, I need to sleep. ( For my future self: I am not bitching so much this time as I am getting stuff off my chest. I have alot on my mind and noone to talk to in person so this is me cleaning out my brain. I am acctually in quite a good mood. Or I will be after I eat.) Jesus, I do alot of bitching for a Black man with a white woman. I have the Black man's status symbol already. I must be a success. (joking) lol

current mood: complacent

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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
1:17 pm - Fun to be had at Wal-Mart
Last night, we went to Wal-mart. This is not unusual but the purpose was unusual. We don't know what the purpose was for going. Most days we need something or we will even say that we went there because we were bored. (...thus is life in Mississippi... lol) Last night, I had no clue as to why we were going there. Robert thought I needed something. I didn't. I thought Robert needed something. He didn't. Around about this point in the conversation Mel decides that since we were going to Wal-Mart let's return some clothes that didn't fit. Bingo!!! That's why I was dressed to go out among the masses at night when I could have been doing more important things like brooding myself to sleep. lol. Why that clever minx of mine has pulled off a pretty seamless plan. I tip my glass of Kool-Aid to her.lol That had malice and forethought. I am impressed. heheheh

Well, A trip to Wal-Mart to return clothes means that there is money to be had and that means there is money to be spent... on things we need of course. (* wink wink... I am joking. Mel really did need some stuff... *grumble gruble) While having the good fortune to be in the womens section of the store(bleh, which I might add can be very uncomfortable without your woman in sight because you look like a pervert to everyone else... which doesn't bother me as much as it annoys me to advertise like that. lol ) Robert come across a pair of womens underwear that has writing on the front and brings them to my attention. The underwear in bold lettering says, 'Hello Mon' Now that part is bad in and of itself. I don't even get it. Are Jamaicans going "downtown" more often??? The ones that I have met do have a thing with fish. ( Yeah I know... I just typed it and went 'ew, thats a baaaaaaaaad comment.' apologies in advance) Well, it get's worse. I heard Robert say it before I saw it. It sounded like 'Hello Mom' I'm like, thats really sick. Wal-Mart has really changed since Sam died. Anyhoo,I have been laughing about it since last night and I truly hope that the New year provides me with as much entertainment at Wal-Mart as it did last night.

current mood: amused

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Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
8:37 am
Without a doubt, this has been a really weird week. The upside being that it looks like it has and will be very profitable.

I talked to my mother on the 1st of january ( my birthday) to see how things were and to give my mother some information on school. She wanted a list stating all my expenses for next semester. I don't like to ask my mother for anything if I can help it but I really need a little help. This school year had not gone according to plan at all. To my surprise, she was willing to help and gave me a very limited amount of fuss. To be honest, I got no fuss and alot of concern. Anyhoo, while telling my mother that I couldn't get all the info to her until school started she interrupted me. She tells me me quite casually that she has paid off my student loan to the government. I was shocked. That was one of the major roadblocks that was gone thanks to my mother. I still may take the semester off because of some other money issues and such but at least some of my troubles are over. That has got to be the most useful birthday gift ever.
After having a really bad week at work (tips) my last day turned out to be really good.I was also told that I can work anytime I want whether I am on the floor that day or not.
I wish I had more time to talk but I need to get ready for work. Blah!!! I really didn't get to say everything but this will do for now. I hope to have some time to write in the afternoon. I hope I remember period. My mind is gone. The good news is that leaves me space to rent out. lol

current mood: busy

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Saturday, January 1st, 2005
9:41 pm - yay

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Watch more TV.

Get your resolution here


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Thursday, December 9th, 2004
1:05 am - On the upside.......
There is a large 10 lb burger with my name on it in Pa. I have a sweet caring girl. ( maybe not so caring on this point but she has a lot on her mind) I am in pretty good health. LIfe could be worse. I hope that Mel does well tommorrow. She has been working very hard. MY voice teacher ( whom I love dearly) is sick. I do hope she feels better. Above all people she the reason why I have stuck in there with this school/Opera thing. She is a great person. I am glad that she and Mel get along. For better or worse they deserve each other. lol. They are good people.

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